Intercultural Crosstalk
About Child-Rearing ～Kindergarten, Daycare Center, and School Enrollment～ From a Chinese, American and Russian Perspective
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Click for "1st Round" Here3rd Round: Kindergarten, Daycare Center, and School Enrollment
This is a three-part series on child-rearing. In the final session, they talked about kindergartens and schools as their children are growing up. The participants said that there are many things that are different from those in their home countries.
Do You Have Any Mom-Friends, Dad-Friends, or Parenting Friends?
I go to the park with my children on weekends. There are quite a few dads who take their children to play. I meet other fathers at the park, but they are not my friends.
Recently, there are more and more dads in the park.
I really needed a mom-friend. It was heartbreaking to be alone. I tried my best to talk to them at parks and children's centers. People would look at me and think that I didn't understand Japanese, so I wanted to show that I could speak Japanese. When my child started kindergarten, I made friends with other mothers rather quite organically.
At the sports-focused kindergarten that my two sons attended, we had a LINE group and had conversations there. I think you can only make friends if you take the time to communicate with them, but I didn't have the time to communicate with them in that way. Although I don't have friends who are moms with children the same age as mine, there are some colleagues at work who are raising children, so I often ask them for advice and suggestions.
My wife is Japanese, so she has classmates and senior colleagues, so I think she has friends with whom she can talk about child-rearing.
By mom-friends, do you mean friends who talk about their children? I think I don't really need that. It is enough to be able to have a pleasant conversation. I'm looking for a friend with whom I can talk and go somewhere together. I prefer someone who has common interests.
That’s true, we prefer a friend with common interests.
Do you exchange information with other people from the same country living in Japan who are raising children
I created a community of Chinese mothers living in Japan, with about 1,300 members on WeChat. We are divided into four groups according to the school level they attend. There is also a community for working mothers, where we communicate actively.
I use Facebook. There’s a group for Russians living in Japan who are raising children, called “Japanese moms”. The information is about events and anything related to Russia. Men usually don’t join. There is also a Facebook page for working mothers. It's a place to discuss work and child-rearing issues.
I think there is also a group of Americans living in Japan, but I have not joined it.
It is probably because you are a man. I think there are groups of women who are from the U.S. as well. Men don't seem to be interested in groups, and it's the same with Chinese people.
There are a lot of people who speak English, so there are going to be a lot of different groups, even if they are not only from the US. I think it is easier to make friends if you speak the same language rather than the race.
Is Kindergarten（幼稚園） and Daycare center（保育園） the Same as in Japan?
When I was a child (in China), there were 2 types of kindergartens: one where children were enrolled before the age of 3 and the other where children were enrolled after the age of 3. It didn't matter if the parents were working or not; the decision was based on whether or not you wanted to leave your child with them. Nowadays, everyone is raised by grandparents or babysitters until the child is 3 years old, and then they enter kindergarten at the age of 3.
In the U.S.,there is a type of daycare that is like an daycare center, where you can leave your child immediately after birth. It’s all self-funded, so there are not many restrictions to enter. Daycare is quite expensive, so many women quit their jobs to raise their children. Before entering elementary school, they all enter kindergarten. It varies a lot depending on the culture of the regions, or if it’s the city or countryside.
Russia also lacks facilities like daycare centers. You can apply after you have a child. It is similar to Japan, but it does not matter whether you are working or not. Most children enroll at the age of 3, but it’s not like Japan in the sense that there’s no limit to when you have to apply, what month the applications close, or things like these. You can apply at your own timing.
Is your child in kindergarten or did he/she go to a daycare center?
My oldest son was in daycare at first, but when he was 5 years old, he started going to a kindergarten specializing in sports. My second son was placed in the same kindergarten as my first son from the beginning.
Both of my children are in the same daycare center. We went to the city office in December to apply and they were able to start in April.
I didn't want to be away from my child every day, so I looked for a place where she could go 3 times a week. I found an international preschool and that's where she goes now.
Have You Experienced Any Difficulties Since Entering Daycare/Kindergarten?
At the kindergarten my children attended, most of the moms were housewives. There were only 2 or 3 working moms in each class. They talked about the children over tea in the afternoon and made things by hand for events, but since I was working full time, I couldn't be a part of that circle.
I didn't have many difficulties, but I was annoyed by some rules. For example, that the indoor shoes can only be white, or that the kindergarten events were only held on weekdays. There are 3 or 4 events a month, but I can't attend them because I work. I had to negotiate a lot and things changed a little.
There was one thing that was very disappointing. There is a paper that has to be turned in every day for the daycare pool play, and you have to put your seal (Japanese stamp) on it. When I took my child to the daycare center, I signed the form instead of using my personal seal, but I was surprised when I was told that my child was not allowed to enter because it was not my personal seal. I take my child to the daycare center every day and participate in the activities like visiting day.... My child was really looking forward to it, but in the end, he was not allowed to enter, and was sent home.
That is terrible. I think it is terrible for the child. A signature is much more recognizable proof. My child is 5 and a half years old now, and at this point I am struggling to decide what school to place her in. International school or public school... International schools don't have a high school and in case of public schools, I am worried about my child's Japanese language skills...
About School and Tutoring Schools
Please tell us about the school system in your country.
In China, the school year begins in September, with 5 years in elementary school, 4 years in middle school, and 3 years in high school.
Russian schools also start in September. There are 4 years in elementary school, 5 years in middle school, and 2 years in high school, but the building is the same and the classes are the same until the end of the school year. Once you enter elementary school and are assigned to a class, you do not change classes. You may change classes if there is bullying or depending on your grades. Homeroom teachers may change, but your classmates will always be with you.
The school system in the U.S. varies from state to state and city to city. In my hometown, elementary school is 4 years, middle school 3 years, junior high school 3 years, and senior high school is 2 years. School starts in August.
In Russia, children can enter elementary school at the age of 6 and a half, but the parents basically decide the year they enter. They can just have turned 6, or can also be 8 years old. For example, you can talk to the teacher before entering the school about skipping a year because the child cannot read yet, etc.
That sounds great.
Many Japanese children go to tutoring schools. Why do they have tutoring schools when they have schools? I don't understand. There are not many tutoring schools in Russia.
That's true. There are very few tutoring schools in the U.S. as well.
There are tutoring schools in China.
If you are worried about your child's grades, you can go to a teacher who will give you private tutoring and help you to get in a good university. This seems to exist in Russia as well.
Chinese people are very enthusiastic about education, and if there is a good school, they will give priority to their children even if they don't have the money, so I think the rate of entrance examinations is definitely higher than in Japan. Everyone sends their children to tutoring schools and aim for their target schools. I have heard that it is difficult to achieve with school alone. When my child was young, I also wondered why I had to send him to school and tutoring school at the same time.
I heard that tutoring schools also have examinations.
I wonder when can children play?
The topic of "Child-Rearing" was broadened by the many experiences of each of the participants, and it seems that they often learn about the Japanese system through their children. This is the end of the three-part series, and the May issue will be a special edition, in which we will discuss the "Newsletter" of TIPS (Tokyo Intercultural Portal Site).