About Child-Rearing ~The Culture of Child-Rearing~ From a Chinese, American and Russian Perspective

Yes, there was. When you take your child to play in the park, in China, if each child brings a toy, they basically share it and play together. There is no rule that says that you must say "lend me" or "may I?" every time you borrow that toy.
In Japanese parks, if they don't ask to borrow a toy, they may be considered rude or have improper parental discipline. 1- or 2-year-old children start using toys on their own out of sight of their parents, so people around us may look at them somewhat sternly.

Yes, that happens.

The other surprise was when my mother-in-law came from China. She went to the park with my children. She took strawberries in a lunch box with her. When other children came up to her, she said, "Would you like some?" The children seemed like they wanted to eat them, but their parents told her, "We don't have the custom of eating strawberries at the park”. I think this is proper from a hygienic point of view, such as not letting other children eat things too much.... In China, it is considered cheap not to give food to other children if they want to eat it. My mother-in-law was shocked when she was refused.

I think it probably just means not receiving things from people you don't know. That's what I also tell my daughter.

That’s true.

I was amazed to see that Japanese babies are usually barefoot. I was really surprised that babies were barefoot while being carried in a baby carrier, even though mothers wear a lot of clothes in the winter.
When I went to Russia the summer after my daughter was born, I thought it was fine for her to be barefoot in the stroller because she couldn't walk yet, but a Russian person said to me, "Why don't you make her wear socks? It's cold!” I replied, "She can't walk yet," but they thought that was ridiculous. They thought I couldn't afford socks or shoes. This time I was shocked by Russia. In Russia, babies are required to wear socks and shoes even in summertime. That is a cultural difference.

That's interesting. What surprised me is that children go out by themselves so freely. In the U.S., they don't go to the park alone. I guess it depends on where you live. My hometown is in the countryside, so you need a car to go to the park. Japan is safe in general, so I think it is fine, but I was very surprised that a 6-year-old child goes to the park alone with friends.

Japanese elementary school students go home when the school bell rings. They are great, I was very surprised.

In China, elementary school students are dropped off and picked up, and in some places even middle school students. Grandparents and other family members help out with this.

In Russia, grandmothers do the drop-offs and pick-ups from the school.

We use school buses in the U.S. The bus stop is quite close to my house, so the children can come home by themselves.

We have a thing like porridge, and we often mash bananas for them to eat.

In China, it is the same, we give them porridge as well. I also give them something like apple paste. Of course, they also eat bananas.

In Russia, it is vegetables. They start with light-colored vegetables first, such as zucchini, potatoes, and cucumbers. Tomatoes and carrots come later. We mash the vegetables and give them to them. We also give them something like porridge, not only with rice, but with buckwheat seeds.

My husband and I look things up on the Internet. We sometimes talk to friends that are near, but basically, we solve things on our own.

That's right. Even if I ask my parents, it is outdated knowledge and different from today, so I do my own research. I found a Japanese baby food magazine that was very easy to understand. It told me how much to mash the baby food, and the pictures of baby food on a spoon were also very helpful. I combined it with the Russian information and arranged it in my own way.

My wife asked her parents and more experienced mothers with children, and gave that baby food to our children.

Generally, we eat Japanese food. This is partly because my wife is Japanese, but my children also eat Japanese food regularly. Japanese food accounts for about 70% to 80% of our diet. I also cook. I cook Thai green curry and many other dishes.

Chinese food is 60% and Japanese food is about 40%. When I cook by myself, I only cook Chinese food, but recently I have been using meal kits, etc., and that is Japanese food, so it is about 40% of our meals.

It's the same for me. I began ordering meal kits when I was feeling exhausted from child-rearing, so we started eating more Japanese food. Recently, I got tired of the kits, so I cook dishes that I can make myself without looking at recipes. Russian food is about 70% of our diet. We eat out in various places too. My husband likes Japanese food, so I ask him to have it for lunch. My child enjoys both.

My children like Japanese food, but they also like fast food. I try not to let them eat too much of that because I want them to grow up healthy.

My sons prefer Japanese food. All of their school lunches are Japanese food too. When we eat out, they like sukiyaki (hot pot with beef and vegetables), gyūdon (beef bowls), hamburgers steaks, and other such dishes.

My daughter says she likes sushi but doesn't eat fish, or that Russian food has a lot of meat and she will eat that but doesn't like onions, etc. so I can't say one way or the other, as I'm getting a lot of different arguments. But she gets grumpy if there is no rice.

I speak mostly in Japanese with my children. My wife's parents speak only Japanese, and there is no one around who speaks English, so we speak Japanese. However, I have been trying to speak English as much as possible to them. If they can’t speak English at all, they will not be able to talk with my family. My children watch Netflix in both English and Japanese.

At home we speak only Russian. My daughter speaks in English at kindergarten and in Japanese outside of kindergarten with her friends. These 3 languages switch automatically in my daughter's mind. We decided on Russian as our family language, so I hope that no matter which school she goes to in the future, her Russian will continue to improve as it is now. I also want to teach her Russian culture, and I think would be strange to teach Russian culture in Japanese.

With my oldest son, I was very particular about the Chinese language. He is now 14 years old and can discuss things in Chinese. Unlike my eldest son, my youngest son quickly adjusted to his class at school and got along very well with his Japanese friends, so he does not want to speak Chinese very much. Whenever I tried to speak to him in Chinese, he would respond in Japanese. So, I changed my way of thinking. I don't know how we will use Chinese in the future. Perhaps in the future, AI will be advanced and the language barrier may disappear, so I decided to just use Japanese.

Do the brothers speak Japanese to each other?

My sons speak Japanese to each other. When I speak with my oldest son, it is half Chinese and half Japanese, but with my second son it is Japanese. When my husband and I speak alone, it is in Shanghainese. The children listen to us, but when we speak as a family, it is about half Japanese and half Chinese. In terms of priorities for the future, I would say Japanese, English, and Chinese, in that order. My thinking has changed considerably.

I use it with words like "abunai (dangerous)" or "yamete (don't do it)", when it's a dangerous situation. It is better to know the word "abunai" in case other people say it to you. Also, saying the words "abunai" or "kowai (scary)" in Japanese is to let people know that I am not speaking ill of the people around me.

We speak Japanese when we go outside. When we go home, I try to speak to them in English, but when I want them to play nicely at the park, I think it is better to speak in Japanese. When they are disturbing people around us on the train, I make sure to warn them in Japanese.

It’s the same for me. When there are Japanese people around us, I will speak in Japanese so that others can understand us. That is the kind of thing I want to be careful at.

As for language, I try not to mix Japanese, English and Russian in the same conversation. If she doesn’t understand the vocabulary I am speaking, I say, "This is Russian. Then do you know the English for this?" I confirm it like this. This is because I want her to increase the number of words she knows.

In my case, there is no age difference between my children, so there is a lot of competition between the siblings, and I tell them not to fight with each other. I tell them not to hit each other and to negotiate using words as much as possible.

Since I work from home, I try to see the expressions on the children's faces when they come home from school. Sometimes they get weird nicknames or are asked strange questions at school because they are from China. Children don't say this themselves. But their facial expressions show it, so I always ask them what happened today. Then they tell me various things. There were times when I had to discuss things with the homeroom teacher, but we got through it.

I see. I teach my child that everyone is different.
There is Japanese culture and Russian culture, but each person is different among Japanese and Russians. I tell her that even if someone says something she doesn’t like, it is their mood and she doesn’t need to worry about it.

Yes, that's right. Recently I have been saying to my son, “If someone says something bad about China, why don't you tell them that China is a nice place and that they should definitely visit sometime?”